Hey you guys sorry it's been such awhile. I always do this; I keep up with writing for a short time, and then for a long time I don't write. :S I don't know why that is.

Anyhow, I've gotten really disillusioned with people in college. It's like they seem to get mad at you if you don't always go out and party with them. You can only party so much, you know? And even, once you're there and then want to leave, they get mad. What's the deal? I just don't know who's my real friend anymore.  It's times like these I wish meggie lou was here. Well, I always wish meggie lou was here, but these times more so than normal. *sigh*

*sigh* You guys I'm still thinking about Brokeback Mountain. I don't think any movie has ever affected me on the inside like this one, not even Finding Nemo.

Oh my goodness you guys! I went to see Brokeback Mountain last night. That's the most depressing movie I've ever seen in my LIFE. Don't get me wrong, it was amazing and I loved it, I would say it's my second favorite movie (to Finding Nemo of course), but it was INTENSE. I'm still crying about it today. I cried in the theater, I cried on the way home, I cried myself to sleep, and I cried about it this morning. I just....I could relate with a lot of the concepts, the themes of love...I don't know how to explain it. AMAZING. It's like the gay man's version of that movie "Notebook." GAWD.

I'm going to write a letter to Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal express my gratitude and admiration for their work. I want them to know how deeply their acting affected me, that there is at least one gay man out there who was unravelled like a roll of toilet paper to their movie. I realize it won't get past the first or second tier of their fan mail organizations' hierarchy, but I hope beyond hope that it will somehow get to them....PLEASE! I'll proof write it here on Xanga, since Word seems so personality-less. If that makes any sense....

Dear Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal,

     I seriously hope this letter gets past the first level or two of your fan mail organizations. It's most likely a futile hope, as you two are both quite famous and have no time for little people like myself....but without hope, what do is there? That is what is motivating me to write this letter, that hope, despite the overwhelming certainty niether of you will ever see it. My name is Justin and I'm a nineteen year old gay man who went to see your  movie "Brokeback Mountain" last night. The sincere and heartfelt hope that you get this letter may be what is motivating me to write this, but the reason that I thought to write this in the first place is that I just wanted you both to know how much I appreciate your courage for agreeing to do this movie and your amazing acting in it. This isn't your average fan mail letter (at least I hope not) where I gush about how hot you are or how much I want an autograph; no, all that is irrelevant to me at this moment, when I can still feel inside me how this movie took hold. I just got off the phone with my best friend, and the conversation centered entirely around how fantastic this movie is and how it unravelled me emotionally. I was crying talking about iy, still hours after I saw it. The themes and the concepts in this movie I can connect to on every level one hunded percent; the love between two men, the societal and cultural condemnation of it, the feeling of utter hoplessness and despair in the face of it all...I would have to say the last in that list is what affects me the most. I came out three years ago, but sometimes I still wish I wasn't gay. Not often, don't get me wrong, maybe once in a blue moon...but still. Your movie brought back all those feelings of insecurity and hopelessness, while at the same time forcing me to see that despite the amount of things arrayed against my kind, love can still be felt. I also wanted to thank you for portraying quite how it was, and in some places still is, for us gays. The homophobia, the beatings....everything. It made me feel thankful and grateful to be maturing in 2006, rather than 1986 or before. We still have a long way to go, but things definitely have gotten better, which makes it easy to forget how things once were. Many straight people have no idea how it was, or they do and don't care, but this film forced people to see it. I just....I don't know what more to say, I wish I could meet you both and tell you thank you in person, so you could see the tears in my eyes as I think back to this film and how it relates to and affected me. Again, realistically, you will never see this letter...but I hope. I apologize for the overtly mushy and emotional tone of this letter, I just wanted you to know...

Sincerely,
Justin Carlton

*****************

Wow that's probably really ridiculous, isn't it? I'm still gonna try and send it, though, I feel like I have no other choice. See this movie people.

Justin Gaojiading
Dory the Regal Blue Tang

Woo it's the weekend! The first week of second semester went by pretty much without a hitch. All my classes are awesome, even the writing class I thought I was gonna dread...yes, academically things are AMAZIN' *Bruce voice from Finding Nemo*

Last night was a fun night! Most of the people from my floor and I all went out to the Cheesecake factory to celebrate our friend's birthday. Fun stuff, my friends! Laughing, giggling, and of course, my favorite thing ever, eating ^_^. I also have to admit I'm somewhat of a ham; I wanted to be in so many pictures with my buddies...

Afterwards we were all gonna drink on the floor, but another one of my friends wanted us all to go to her boyfriend's apartment complex and drink there. We were apprehensive at first, but the decided to go. I overdid it way too soon, four straight shots of vodka and two of Jaegermeister....bad choices. Let's just say I couldn't handle it...after that I really wan't in the mood to party. That, and the fact I really didn't want to go in the first place and that eye-candy was at a lower level than usual...yeah, I wanted to leave. My friend Melodie also wasn't feeling 100%, so we both decided to walk back.

It was COLD!!!! GAH! Thank goodness for the BuffBus...

Then we went to her room and gorged on chips and cheesecake while watching Madagascar. Love the movie ^_^.

Hmm I feel like I should be more intellectual in this entry or something....*thinks*...NAH! Not right now. I'm gonna go have brunch with my friend Kai. He's an awesome dude, we were in the same RAP program and met there. Apparently he never really knew a gay guy before, and he said to me a few days after the RAP retreat that he was really glad to have met me. Isn't that nice? Well yeah enough chit chat I'm off to eat!.....again......

^_^

Justin Gao Jiading
Dory the Regal Blue Tang

Woo you guys! I have a Russian keyboard now! My teacher sent us directions last night about how to change the computer settings to Cyrillic, and POOF I did them! Now I can switch between Russian and English! I'm so excited! You know how in school we had to do those typing programs to learn how to type faster? We're gonna do the same thing with Russian! Yay!

I spent maybe four hours last night studying Chinese. I was EXHAUSTED. But I couldn't sleep because my bed isn't all that comfortable, I had drunk some coffee in the evening, and the wind was howling like a banshee all night. GAH! Today from 11 to 3 I have all of my classes, bam bam, one right after the other, with ten minutes in between each. That's good; that's how I like it. Then later tonight I think I'm gonna go into work and set up my schedule so I can start. I hate the job, I mean I absolutely loathe it, but it's money, and it helps my parents.

There's this HOT Armenian man in my Russian class who set the gaydar pinging yesterday....we made lots of eye contact, and just his mannerisms...I don't know, though, I've been wrong many times before, but it's worth investigating....

Well I'm going to study some more Chinese now. Bye everyone!

-Justin Gao Jiading
Dory the Regal Blue Tang

And by the way....this is hot!

(Source)

Very cute ^_^ Thanks lokie81!